Today my sister blog, The Pretty Pink Princess Pixie Challenge went live; along with a Twitter account and Facebook page. The Pretty Pink Princess Pixie Challenge is a weight loss and fitness competition between my sister-in-law Barbara (The Princess) and me (The Pixie).
The Princess came up with the idea for the challenge. Our gym offers a weight loss/fitness challenge to members, but due to our schedule we couldn’t participate. So the Princess came up with the idea to use our naturally competitive natures for good instead of evil, and devised our own unofficial, official fitness challenge. With the help of our personal trainers, the Princess and Pixie challenge will soon commence.
The blog will be a place for each of us to share our thoughts about the process, our progress, and just share things that we have to say about each other (smack talking will be a prominent fixture). I plan on sharing my food and exercise journal too.
Please support our challenge, and follow along with us on the blog, Twitter and Facebook.
Have you ever thought that you could just get up and walk out the door and no one would noticed that you stopped working? Today is that day for me. As I was driving into the office I kept asking myself if what I was working on really served some purpose. It was one of those moments of clarity when you realize that:
A) you aren’t doing something you love
B) what you are doing isn’t contributing to the greater good, and
C) you aren’t really LIVING life, but just kind of coasting through it.
Not really the types of thoughts a person should be having in order to conquer the day. I think about my mortality all the time. I told Jason that I’m tired of waiting around for the cancer, I just wish it would happen so I could get on with treating it. Who thinks like that? (raises hand slowly)… I mean, I know I’m going to get it… my dad’s had it and they thought my mom may have had it before she died of a massive heart attack. I can’t help but think I’m going to get it too. Oh, and I have to go back to the doctor on Thursday to get the bad news about my cholesterol (I already knew my triglycerides were going to be bad, I just hope my LDL and HDL are still ok). So I’ll probably be put on a “no” fat diet (I know, I know, I need a little fat in my diet)… I’ll be eating corrugated cardboard by the end of the year.
I thought that I had another Ah Ha moment yesterday. Turns out I don’t listen to myself very well. I got up early and went exercise before 7 AM for the first time since I got out of the Army. Now…, my Ah Ha moment was when I got home and was getting ready for work. At that moment I realized that the military is using the wrong psychology to get people to work out. See, when I was in my 20’s and could do all this exercise, I was taught that working out and physical exercise was a punishment. It was something I had to do when I was in trouble. It was a tool for the NCOs to torture me and keep me away from my family. I’m sure everyone has heard the phrase, “Drop and give me 20…” Well I realized yesterday that exercise wasn’t my enemy. It is a tool for me to use to make sure my body takes care of me later on. If I want to live a longer happier life I need to get my butt in gear.
I’ve gone to gyms in the past and I always felt like I didn’t belong… I could hear the stares, “What is that fat chick doing? Why is she even bothering, odiously she doesn’t know enough to put the donuts down.” Today, I can still hear those looks as they pass through me; the difference is that I don’t let them linger in my ears. I enjoy doing the yoga classes now (even though I suck really bad at it) and I like the feeling of working up a sweat… I like that “badge of “courage” when I finish.
However I am getting really, really upset with how things have been going lately. I’ve been going to the gym, watching what I eat, taking my medicine, and using the Alli, and I keep gaining weight. I keep waiting to see the scale go down, but it keeps going up. Last week I was pretty sure I was 253, which was 3 pounds more than the week before. This morning I was 254. I don’t get it. I have been snacking more than usual, but in total it’s only about 400 calories a day, and combined with my regular food, I’m taking in only 1600 calories, and I have also been working out. The exercise should cancel out the snacking and then some. I’m only taking in about 12g of fat per meal, and when you think about that, it would seem that I’m doing everything right. I’ve lost only 15 pounds, reliably, and I don’t really think I look that different. I was so close to really breaking the 250 mark a few weeks ago, I don’t know what’s happened. I guess the really only good news about myself that I have lately is that my blood sugar seems to be well managed now with the medication and exercise.
Last night was so completely deflating. I was so upset. I thought I was doing good, but when you get on a scale you can’t escape the truth. I thought I was working hard enough, but the scale doesn’t lie. I felt so betrayed by my body. This up and down weight thing is getting on my last nerve. When I got so upset, I started thinking, “Have I really been doing all I can?” The answer was no, and that made me feel even worse. Although I’ve been going to the gym, I think I still haven’t got the hang of eating right. I over did it last night and ate two helpings of spaghetti and two pieces of garlic bread. That isn’t what I should have done. I haven’t been sneaking food, but I have been going back for seconds.
So although I don’t understand how I could have gained so much weight in one week, especially since I started to go to the gym, I can understand why I haven’t lost any too. I mean, I went from making and exceeding my goal, to getting almost back to where I was when I got back from FL. I’m not happy. I’m not expecting to lose it all at once. I just want to see that gradual downward progression. A little at a time is fine. And even a pound or two for water weight is ok, but I don’t want to balloon up nearly 7 pounds.
Jason kept saying that he didn’t know what to tell me. Well, I didn’t want him to tell me anything, I didn’t even know what I wanted to hear. Oh well, my toes are fixed now, and the bandages are off so I’m going to head to the gym.
I have had one victory this week. For the first time since I’ve been taking my blood sugar back in April, I have finally have had consistent and normal blood sugar readings. Thank goodness… I guess going to the gym has helped at least something.
Even though I’m on this diet from hell there are still things that I can take pleasure in. After reading the article yesterday about toxic guilt and that by eating right and exercising I’m really just showing myself common courtesy, I’ve already noticed a shift in my thinking and habits. Instead of shoveling the food into my mouth at lunch today, I took my time. I asked myself if what I was doing was good for me, and when I ate, I savored what I had and took my time. I can’t tell you how good a simple sugar free pudding cup can be.