Personal Journal #15: I had the perfect title for this last night, but now I can’t think of it…
Last night was so completely deflating. I was so upset. I thought I was doing good, but when you get on a scale you can’t escape the truth. I thought I was working hard enough, but the scale doesn’t lie. I felt so betrayed by my body. This up and down weight thing is getting on my last nerve. When I got so upset, I started thinking, “Have I really been doing all I can?” The answer was no, and that made me feel even worse. Although I’ve been going to the gym, I think I still haven’t got the hang of eating right. I over did it last night and ate two helpings of spaghetti and two pieces of garlic bread. That isn’t what I should have done. I haven’t been sneaking food, but I have been going back for seconds.
So although I don’t understand how I could have gained so much weight in one week, especially since I started to go to the gym, I can understand why I haven’t lost any too. I mean, I went from making and exceeding my goal, to getting almost back to where I was when I got back from FL. I’m not happy. I’m not expecting to lose it all at once. I just want to see that gradual downward progression. A little at a time is fine. And even a pound or two for water weight is ok, but I don’t want to balloon up nearly 7 pounds.
Jason kept saying that he didn’t know what to tell me. Well, I didn’t want him to tell me anything, I didn’t even know what I wanted to hear. Oh well, my toes are fixed now, and the bandages are off so I’m going to head to the gym.
I have had one victory this week. For the first time since I’ve been taking my blood sugar back in April, I have finally have had consistent and normal blood sugar readings. Thank goodness… I guess going to the gym has helped at least something.